we are the homeless. and so are you.

unwavering resolve

2009-10-27T13:43:00.000Z

Stranger Than Kindness from Fever Ray on Vimeo.

the road of golden dust

2009-10-16T17:54:00.002+01:00

i'm coming back
i'm trying to
don't know exactly how
but i'm coming back

[i'll try to take back what was once mine]

love eternal

2009-10-01T18:50:00.000+01:00

so they say

2009-07-02T12:29:00.001+01:00

You Are A: Bear Cub!

Bears are strong and independent creatures who roam in the forest in search of food. Bears are usually gentle, but anger one and be prepared for their full fury! You're big, you won't back down from a fight -- classic attributes of a bear. Intelligent and resourceful, though lazy at times, you are a fascinating creature of the wild.

You were almost a: Kitten or a Lamb
You are least like a: Duckling or a Frog What Cute Animal Are You?

lottery or car crash [would the pretty boy on the bus disapprove?]

2009-06-10T12:55:00.003+01:00

electric shocks?
i love them
with you dozen a day
but after a while i wonder
where's that love you promised me?
where is he?

bees

2009-06-05T16:41:00.003+01:00

"you know," sandy said, "these are supposed to be the happiest days of our lives."
"yes, they are always saying that," jenny said. "they say, make the most of your schooldays because you never know what lies ahead of you."
"miss brodie says prime is best," sandy said.
"yes, but she never got married like our mothers and fathers."
"they don't have primes," said sandy.
"they have sexual intercourse," jenny said.

muriel spark, 'the prime of miss jean brodie'

May 22, 1930

2009-05-22T16:59:00.003+01:00

oh, yes. happy birthday, steven patrick morrissey. you too.

procession

2009-05-15T22:00:00.003+01:00

yeah. maybe

2009-05-15T12:17:00.000+01:00

i just don't know.

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

2009-05-10T22:11:00.000+01:00

[the white hot room, the waiting room]

the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired

2009-05-09T18:53:00.003+01:00

cream_crackers were roaring with laughter watching "17 again", "a night at the museum 2" and "ice age 3" trailers
i felt ashamed

[10days without gngrbrd. difficult. last time we spoke was 25h ago. i get jealous i was replaced with others. it bugs me.]

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

2009-05-03T17:18:00.003+01:00

[ tom hollander making out with hugo weaving. mmmmmmm. james purefoy. mmmmmmm. kevin mckidd. mmmmmmm. kevin mckidd making out with james purefoy. MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM. ]

let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave

2009-05-02T07:07:00.007+01:00

i put the hood on
red
like the comic book villain
and i'm tough

no one can see me
and what i'm trying to hide

i want to grow gills
dive into a deep, clear pond
and rest at the bottom
sleep for years

i'm tired of tasks, duties and entertainment
of friends, adults and disappointments
of sounds, images, scents, flavors
i'm tired of people, ideas, noise
of thinking, talking, interacting
of plans, hopes, expectations

i'm tired

[ gingerbread says: if your powers are running low, just put on your cape, superhero. ]

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

2009-04-05T12:26:00.001+01:00

is she back?!

2009-03-25T18:33:00.002Z

or is it just madelyne pryor?

common around here

2009-03-22T19:26:00.002Z

the only thing i have now
are the brown camper shoes
so i go out walking
hoping they will lead me to the right destination
the outside won't notice i'm walking tearfully
the outside is crying itself

a storm is gonna come

2009-03-20T14:22:00.002Z

and there's no shelter nor defender
because of the separating big water
so i can only curl up
and wait

8 days, spring and cookie dough

2009-03-18T21:28:00.001Z

prof. Zbigniew Religa

2009-03-08T18:41:00.003Z

16 December 1938 - 8 March 2009

[5 pennies a day]

thanks be to the pretty boy with nice white teeth on the bus for saving me from lowering standars

2009-02-16T15:43:00.005Z

i want to hide under the snowy duvet outside
and fall into deep sleep
decompose and become absorbed by the environment
travel deep into the soil
and rest

[winter when you're almost 24 seems like the perfect time to start a mid 20s crisis]

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

2009-02-15T10:42:00.001Z

my band

2009-01-26T09:50:00.002Z

maybe a certain someone is right, maybe i am hyper, wasting energy, enthusiasm, etc., when i should be reserved, distant and inhibited, like grown-ups.

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

2009-01-25T09:07:00.001Z

Harold Pinter

2008-12-25T15:38:00.004Z

10 October 1930 - 24 December 2008

[thanks to the generosity of the beloved mr coffey i was very fortunate to have seen mr pinter's 'no man's land' starring sir gambon in the dublin's gate theatre]

nix in nemore

2008-12-19T15:50:00.003Z

bad day
when you wish
there was nothing
when we are separate
i am sad and sore
it is never soon enough

the horses are coming

2008-12-13T09:42:00.003Z

[i'm exploding with colors, gngrbrd drowns me in sea of affection]

Inmaculada Concepción

2008-12-08T15:21:00.003Z

home and dry
far away
oh tonight
i miss you

boys, girls, drugs, lunacy

2008-12-07T20:18:00.004Z

in the dark, in the back of the van
cautiously holding your hand
making eyes, making everything alright
being home, being all alone
feeling sad, watching the phone
singing out, singing everything’s alright

you set me on
you set me on
you set me on fire

in the dark, in the back of the van
cautiously holding your hand
making eyes, making everything alright
when i’m out, when i’m far away
wanting you, wanting to stay
singing out, singing everything’s alright

you set me on
you set me on
you set me on fire

when i wake and i’m far away, i know that you’re leaving
in the dark when i’m all alone, i’m scared that you’re leaving
when i wake and i’m far away, i know that you’re leaving
in the dark when i’m all alone, i’m scared that you’re leaving

cause
you set me on
you set me on
you set me on fire

you set me on
you set me on
you set me on fire

[back of the van, ladyhawke]

third grade gay

2008-10-29T20:06:00.000Z

your father's high horse

2008-10-29T15:19:00.002Z

my delicate, boy-ish heart ached a little bit yesterday, when i was coming back from the airport.
unfortunately, there was no time or place for film-like emotions or weepy eyes;
young, christian missionary maidens on the bus were living 'it' (gosh), reading a student magazine 'deficit'(seriously), sharing novelties about lodging an appeal, about student loans, about polish mayo being good because it's polish; they were bursting with life, giggling.

so, no classes today, today is convalescence, today is rarities and titbits, oreo, horlicks, ovaltine, cheesecake and naps and other delicacies, whole bunch of tv shows.

2.4GHz

2008-10-20T18:46:00.004+01:00

ohmyplease, i want fresh lychee, peaches, strawberries, raspberries, blueberries, blueberries, blueberries, pink lady apples, i want to prepare fruit salads, cocktails, eat lemon meringue tarts, i want to have my private space but i want to be complete, i want to be back, i want my emotional outlet not to consume the better part of me, i want structure, i want the day not to get greydarkugly already after 4pm. and oreo milkshakes/malts.
[i guess i am not so homeless after all]

between new york and dublin

2008-10-12T00:38:00.002+01:00

the summer has ended

go gordon! go ramsey! go gordon! go ramsey! go gordon! go ramsey! go beyoncé! go beyoncé! go david! victoria! go david! victoria! go david! victoria!

2008-09-04T18:44:00.005+01:00

go beyoncé! go beyoncé!

[gingercub himself. he's the green bear(tshirt)- he's irish, i'm the white one- i'm a divine creature. or i simply have a dazzling personality.]

go britney! go justin!

some are saying i'm heading for a meltdown

2008-09-04T18:37:00.003+01:00

Sligo / Benbulben

2008-09-04T18:18:00.004+01:00

Poolbeg

2008-08-27T13:16:00.004+01:00

global caller

2008-08-12T15:36:00.003+01:00

ogosh, magical things, in the kitchen with the lights dim, raindrops knocking on the windows, we spoke* in subdued voices, no stereo, we drunk warm milk to múm's 'kostrzyn,' magic, love, ultimate things.

[*about memories and energy and laws of physics]

of all the children the dog was the most different

2008-08-01T16:11:00.002+01:00

shortcuts and hiccups

2008-07-24T21:03:00.003+01:00

today i gave life to the computer
and as all beings newly born
it demanded attention
it would demand my immediate return if i walked away for a moment
so we spent the whole afternoon together
listening to sounds and looking at each other
waiting

Mullaghcleevaun

2008-07-24T20:26:00.001+01:00

synchronisation

2008-07-24T17:55:00.009+01:00

blade runner rain, shivering bodies

2008-07-09T20:36:00.001+01:00

table no 30, seats 1&2

2008-07-09T20:25:00.003+01:00

our 1st car ride together
our 1st grocery shopping
our 1st washing detergent
our 1st brunch with ******
my 1st job interview
my 1st job
your care
your thoughtfulness
our success
our 1st grenache blanc
my 1st the magnetic fields concert
our 1st the magnetic fields concert together
i held your hand throughout the whole concert
table no 30, seats 1&2

[jag elskar dig]

professional athletes

2008-07-06T16:27:00.003+01:00

looking for traces of you everywhere in my(our) room
on the sheets, floor, in the bathroom
your underwear and socks i'm going to wash
your headphones on my ears
your hoodie and your sweat pants* i'm wearing
the sweater you left
i close my eyes and focus and remember your smile
its beautiful, bright light
your most amazing skin, your astonishing heart
i love you with my spirit & mind
with all my powers i love you

(*sweat pants - loose-fitting trousers with elastic cuffs; worn by athletes)

May 22nd 1455 - Richard, Duke of York, defeats and captures King Henry VI of England

2008-05-22T09:00:00.007+01:00

oh my! starting today, may 22nd, polish fishermen can't fish cod until the end of september!

anyway, happy birthday steven patrick morrissey.

*

sunday was dedicated to the mystery of the holy trinity, monday to the holy ghost, tuesday to the guardian angels, wednesday to saint joseph

2008-05-21T19:27:00.005+01:00

thursday to the most blessed sacrament of the altar, friday to the suffering of jesus, saturday to the blessed virgin mary

*

sunday service

2008-05-18T10:52:00.001+01:00

what did he look like? he looked like jesus

2008-05-11T08:33:00.004+01:00

as a child i knew
that the stars could only get brighter
then we would get closer

now that i'm older
the stars shed light upon my face

today mr * ** wrote "Love." [and that's a word he's uncomfortable with]

2008-05-08T17:01:00.004+01:00

i'm st.sebastien, struck with arrows of affection, hit by a club of bliss

mint green chocolate chunk

2008-05-08T08:19:00.002+01:00

[dvd has always been a cry baby. now it's a different kind of tears.]

season 3 : unicorns on fire

2008-05-07T17:59:00.007+01:00

b: you see
d: yes?
b: you are the man that is going to walk through life with me

***

[jag älskar dig]

a special kind of flow, for unicorns on fire, let's synchronise our events

2008-05-04T23:09:00.004+01:00

may 3 2008, when everything started, my own independence

***

***

[i've never been happier in my life. seriously.]

live! from dublin! it's [the homeless] day live! / almost nothing happened

2008-05-02T11:15:00.004+01:00

being kissed on the cheek by a guy your dying to kiss/kiss with is as painful as being stabbed.

seriously.

but i guess that's all you get when you're a log.

[head over heels, i'm doomed]

thrift edition

2008-05-01T08:03:00.001+01:00

"Dublin is such a small city: everyone knows everyone else's business."

james joyce, 'dubliners'

time to go

now i'm seventeen, fourteen is so last sunday

2008-04-30T06:56:00.002+01:00

i said i wish you never knew
how i feel for you
it's hard to be just friends now after all
i said i wanted more
he said how can you be so sure
i'm not sure i'm faithful after all

but i'm still happy when i get to hold his hand
he says i can hold it but remember we're just friends
and i try, and i try, and i try to be satisfied
after all he keeps me alive

i'm happy when he smiles
if only for awhile
it's hard to just ignore a face like that
i wish he was everywhere
i wish his hand was in my hair
i would have been less lonely for a while

but i'm still happy when i get to hold his hand
he says i can hold it but remember we're just friends
and i try, and i try, and i try to be satisfied
after all he keeps me alive

spring break, coffee break, brake up

2008-04-28T14:29:00.002+01:00

"The truth of the matter is- I'm just going to push on. I love gay men and I love gay sex. I love being gay and I love having sex. Never will it be an intention of mine to scare gay men out of having sex. I want gay men to have sex. I want gay men to enjoy sex and I want gay men to know that sex can exist in it's most hottest and passionate forms when you feel as though you know what you're doing and are in control of what you're doing. It will always be an intention to be as honest and forthright as possible and if fear comes into play while I try to translate certain realities of mine and maybe other's gay experience than all I can say is...So be it."

Eric Leven

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2008-04-27T10:25:00.002+01:00

cake & spirituality

2008-04-26T17:49:00.001+01:00

hope as moisturizer, apply daily

2008-04-25T17:23:00.004+01:00

"As the mother of a gay son, I've seen firsthand how cruel and misguided people can be.

Many letters have been sent to the Valley News concerning the homosexual menace in Vermont. I am the mother of a gay son and I've taken enough from you good people.

I'm tired of your foolish rhetoric about the "homosexual agenda" and your allegations that accepting homosexuality is the same thing as advocating sex with children. You are cruel and ignorant. You have been robbing me of the joys of motherhood ever since my children were tiny. My firstborn son started suffering at the hands of the moral little thugs from your moral, upright families from the time he was in the first grade. He was physically and verbally abused from first grade straight through high school because he was perceived to be gay. He never professed to be gay or had any association with anything gay, but he had the misfortune not to walk or have gestures like the other
boys. He was called "fag" incessantly, starting when he was 6.

In high school, while your children were doing what kids that age should be doing, mine labored over a suicide note, drafting and redrafting it to be sure his family knew how much he loved them. My sobbing 17-year-old tore the heart out of me as he choked out that he just couldn't bear to continue living any longer, that he didn't want to be gay and that he couldn't face a life without dignity.

You have the audacity to talk about protecting families and children from the homosexual menace, while you yourselves tear apart families and drive children to despair. I don't know why my son is gay, but I do know that God didn't put him, and millions like him, on this Earth to give you someone to abuse. God gave you brains so that you could think, and it's about time you started doing that.

At the core of all your misguided beliefs is the belief that this could never happen to you, that there is some kind of subculture out there that people have chosen to join. The fact is that if it can happen to my family, it can happen to yours, and you won't get to choose. Whether it is genetic or whether something occurs during a critical time of fetal development, I don't know. I can only tell you with an absolute certainty
that it is inborn.

If you want to tout your own morality, you'd best come up with something more substantive than your heterosexuality. You did nothing to earn it; it was given to you. If you disagree, I would be interested in hearing your story, because my own heterosexuality was a blessing I received with no effort whatsoever on my part. It is so woven into the very soul of me that nothing could ever change it. For those of you who reduce sexual orientation to a simple choice, a character issue, a bad habit or something that can be changed by a 10-step program, I'm puzzled. Are you saying that your own sexual orientation is nothing more than something you have chosen, that you could change it at will? If that's not the case, then why would you suggest that someone else can?

A popular theme in your letters is that Vermont has been infiltrated by outsiders. Both sides of my family have lived in Vermont for generations. I am heart and soul a Vermonter, so I'll thank you to stop saying that you are speaking for "true Vermonters."

You invoke the memory of the brave people who have fought on the battlefield for this great country, saying that they didn't give their lives so that the "homosexual agenda" could tear down the principles they died defending. My 83-year-old father fought in some of the most horrific battles of World War II, was wounded and awarded the Purple Heart.

He shakes his head in sadness at the life his grandson has had to live. He says he fought alongside homosexuals in those battles, that they did their part and bothered no one. One of his best friends in the service was gay, and he never knew it until the end, and when he did find out, it mattered not at all. That wasn't the measure of the man.

You religious folk just can't bear the thought that as my son emerges from the hell that was his childhood he might like to find a lifelong companion and have a measure of happiness. It offends your sensibilities that he should request the right to visit that companion in the hospital, to make medical decisions for him or to benefit from tax laws governing inheritance. How dare he? you say. These outrageous requests would threaten the very existence of your family, would undermine the sanctity of marriage.

You use religion to abdicate your responsibility to be thinking human beings. There are vast numbers of religious people who find your attitudes repugnant. God is not for the privileged majority, and God knows my son has committed no sin. The deep-thinking author of a letter to the April 12 Valley News who lectures about homosexual sin and tells us about "those of us who have been blessed with the benefits of a religious upbringing" asks: "What ever happened to the idea of striving . . . to be better human beings than we are?"

Indeed, sir, what ever happened to that?"

Sharon Underwood
Valley News
April 30, 2000

till the cows come home

2008-04-24T20:13:00.002+01:00

"he thought how pleasant it would be to have a warm fire to sit by and a good dinner to sit down to. he had walked the streets long enough with friends and with girls.
[...]
experience had embittered his heart against the world. but all hope had not left him.
[...]
he might yet be able to settle down in some snug corner and live happily [...] ."

james joyce, 'dubliners'

better open than closed

2008-04-21T07:24:00.003+01:00

"if i could unbreak hearts, beautiful boy, i'd unbreak yours without hesitation..."

kind uncle Duncan

a fag & some flipping

2008-04-20T21:50:00.004+01:00

winter sale at prada

2008-04-19T18:14:00.003+01:00

[before]

[after]

how dangerous is an open heart?

2008-04-01T20:02:00.001+01:00

and the rattlesnake said,
"i wish i had hands so
i could hug you like a man."
and then the cactus said,
"don't you understand,
my skin is covered with sharp spikes
that'll stab you like a thousand knives.
a hug would be nice,
but hug my flower with your eyes."

antsy pants, 'tree hugger'

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2008-03-30T22:18:00.002+01:00

[hubi]

our schedules wide open as our hearts

2008-03-29T11:06:00.004Z

"I'll tell you," said she, in the same hurried passionate whisper, "what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smitter - as I did!"

"Great Expectations," Charles Dickens

fag beasts and bloody flags

2008-03-28T22:11:00.000Z

massage the grapes

2008-03-20T18:19:00.000Z

love can be like bondage

2008-03-18T17:58:00.000Z

Food Court Musical

2008-03-11T18:23:00.000Z

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2008-03-09T22:19:00.001Z

[how could i not?]

fightOUTloud

2008-03-08T13:57:00.000Z

i'll come over to your place and we'll play videogames

2008-03-03T12:54:00.003Z

primary school mischiefs, we did angry red sauce spoon shots, right through the window; right on the street, we threw cutlets, and smoked tea bags as if they were cigarettes we rolled, primary school mischiefs, the blissful taste of childhood, no need to run anywhere, we woke up and the sun shone at our faces, they were the landscape of our blissful puerility.

but even now, dear sis, you don't have to "go anywhere, just draw a pretty squirrel and read $1 books, and you don't have to sketch stupid bathrooms anymore."

over, enough, winter is gone [simple, children's books imagery], now the kitchen is bathed in rays of sunshine, the taste of tea, spring bliss, now it's this, now it's stories about love, now it's bliss, bliss, bliss, bliss spilt all over, flowing down like dense honey.

it's some spring whiff, now it's fitness whiffing, jolly, fitness and whiffing internet, tv shows, every day a new, different series.

"little brother, let's hug and kiss, [i found records of our childhood adventures] let's survive, let's crawl out of this bomb crater, i'm gluing my brain together, but it's spring everywhere you look."

restoration.

[ugro-finnish languages seem to be so pretty, one day, when i finally learn everything, i'll take them on next.]

conflict1: no more noise

2008-02-26T17:49:00.003Z

p_r: so, what did you get?
d: i got quietude

[no_more_psychology]

the sea dog

2008-02-25T14:46:00.003Z

gngr, sweet gingerino
i feel so sad today
i don't know why
sad
all day long
being sad
all day long
can't focus on anything
and i really need to
tomorrow's an exam
but i can't stop feeling sad
driven by this
inner
something
desire?
longing?
and it's lightly frustrating
[but only lightly
because sadness is the main emotion]
can't find my place today
don't know what to do
i'm afraid something's going to happen
like i'll fail
and my always on the run nature
will sabotage my studies
i'll take off
unexpectedly
[although people should be already used to me, my nature, my behaviour]
what is this feeling
that haunts me today?
the day seemed so beautiful and simple when it started
sun
bright, blue sky
gentle, warm wind
and now it's almost 4pm
i didn't do anything
can't do anything concrete

[i'm] spoiled. pampered. chimerical. whimsical.

maybe i should go out for a walk and smoke lots of cigarettes, smoke myself to death?

[Brian is offline. Messages you send will be delivered when Brian comes online.]

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2008-02-24T18:18:00.001Z

got the leather, got the lumber

2008-02-14T08:49:00.000Z

oh, guide us! the great spirit of tom selleck!

2008-01-28T08:28:00.000Z

thy thick white socks with us!

sabotage!

2008-01-28T08:21:00.000Z

thou shalt not shit your own nest, and then captain rush came to the rescue.

we are [the homeless] and so are you

2008-01-28T08:19:00.000Z

[troubled_dvd]

brunch bitches never say they're sorry

2008-01-25T16:36:00.000Z

we've been doing serious hardporn since morning, dizz&dave are the new wil&grace, krk[crc] burns, hides it's uber blushed cheeks, averts it's eyes, [the homeless] are [the shameful].
on the run in search of the illegal, every shady sexshop visited, commodities from under the counter, love hurts, glitter dildo, legislation-forbidden substances, gloomy pictures, the truth about [the homeless].
relish, savour, we bought delicacies, gay drinks are already in the freezer, cigarettes, narcodrugs, self-destruction in krk.
fasten seatbelts, later we're going to a party djed by a guy whose friends sent me about 400 threat/hate emails [the poster promoting the event contained his pic i used when i said 'thank god i'm too fat to be emo'].
and somewhere around midnight every model gryphon attends a harry potter party, yes, a harry porter party, djdvd&dizz, model gryphons, will be there too.

i thought i told you to leave me while i walked down to the beach

2008-01-24T22:13:00.000Z

i'd love to stay for breakfast
but i'm not really good at staying over
so i leave your place soon after 'the act'
and head for mine
'i may not be cut out for bright & shiny,' to quote

[maybe one day]

[meanwhile, sis 'paid' a little tribute to her homeless brother]

Date of Death: 22 January 2008

2008-01-23T08:03:00.000Z

“On Tuesday, 01/22/08, at approximately 1530 hours, in the confines of the 5 precinct, police responded to 421 Broome Street and found a M/W/28 unconscious. The victim was pronounced DOA at the scene. M.E.’s office to determine the cause of death. Investigation continues.”

i'm the intellectual type, i have fcuking chess on my table

2008-01-14T21:40:00.000Z

i changed my profile name at a certain prominent gaysite for fashionable gaybears to 'cookie monster' [which tells a lot about my personal love-interest; cookies have never disappointed me].
will the gays fancy it?
they're so deadly serious [they must be pursuing happiness, i guess].

exile on my street

2008-01-12T22:28:00.000Z

the disappointment continues.

[cigarettes]

merry kurisumasu

2007-12-25T01:17:00.000Z

MERRY CHRISTMAS, NEW YORK!

***

i discovered my attraction to men when i was 6.
i have loved them since then.
i'm 22 and so far men gave me nothing but disappointment.
unfortunately.

i am so fucking damn dramatic (and a bit drunk)

2007-12-21T00:21:00.000Z

NEW YORK, I LOVE YOU BUT YOU'RE BRINGING ME DOWN

[jesus, where do i start?]

i am Adeline Virginia Stephen, you'll be my Leonard Sidney Woolf

2007-12-05T13:28:00.000Z

***

***

[i'm twin-ish]

como parar um homem-explosivo?

2007-11-13T22:14:00.000Z

now that i'm kind of happy i'm afraid i may become boring. we'll see.
the good thing is that now i can be demanding and bitchy [making people say 'all in all, everything is less important than you'].
a transition from being a 14-year-old-girl into a housewife.
we'll see if i can stop being a broken heart and be a housewife.

i want you to write lollipop on my back [2mpc*]

2007-11-12T16:40:00.000Z

[*methodology makes people creative]

*****
[...]
m[a]y[a]: we should take part in casting for this
d: the format is too small to contain my ego. sorry.

everyone's a V.I.P. to someone

2007-11-08T21:25:00.000Z

[...]
gngr: you are a classy kind of queer.

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2007-11-04T11:05:00.000Z

dear stephin, let's get married.
we'll live in the house of tomorrow.

i could make a career of being blue

2007-11-02T19:48:00.000Z

[...]
dni: :( yes, but he is so far away
d: you kow what they say, there's no distance for love :]
dni: you just made that up
***
i see when you get to work
i know when you leave for lunch
i am still here when you go home
[ich sehne mich nach dir]

i need all the fags i can get

2007-11-01T09:52:00.000Z

(digestive) biscuits with mozarella and peanut butter, waffles with strawberry fluff, toffee and chocolate block, baked apple&cinnamon yoghurts, ice cream, chocolate, peanuts in coconout milk shells, strawberry&cottage cheese dumplings, french fries, boletus&creme crisps, tuna crackers, jelly belly, books, comicbooks, tv shows, lots of, lots of music, messaging with 239846302985603986719834613984634985134986 people, handsome bears, ginger cubs, cosmic highschool lessons, clothes i payed millions for, compliments, praise, expressions of devotion and voices of approval, from right to left, from everywhere, domestic and foreign.

why be filled with alarm?

[morning, ginger]

gingerginger

2007-10-31T20:37:00.000Z

i printed your picture
i cut out your face
i glued it to my teddybear's face
the teddybear i sleep with

i am a broken heart
you are a listening ear

dear iona georgiana tuta,

2007-10-31T14:26:00.000Z

it's like we are siblings who travelled to a magical land, who adventured together
we've experienced this, we've come through this together
we're like heroes, like martyrs
like proud people in old photographs
i can picture us, saint poses in holy pictures
we've come out of it marked
and we can't forget, and we don't want to
and it's like a secret, like a journey only we know about
images, words, moves and feelings and sounds we can't share with others because they wouldn't understand, it's like no one knows, no one can understand
it makes us walk in secrecy, running back in our thoughts to what we had
it makes us special, it makes us feel different from the others, distinguished
because our potentials were unlocked, we could use our powers, we could be ourselves, that's what and how we felt
we're like the children that came back out of the wardrobe
we're like a small creature poisoned by a burden it's been carrying, too corrupted to stay, we have to go, we want to go back so bad, we have to leave
we are few points burning brightly on the map, me, you, deni, iva, burning, longing
we can't find us places of our own, we weep when we walk and we cry when we sleep
driven by things, feelings, powers we don't name
and here we are, a conspiracy, plotting how to get back, what to do
it's grey outside, it turns dark, i walk around, i walk in circles
my body moves like it's pushed by little explosions, like it's pushed
[zach condon cancelled my brain today, it's an appetizer before i consume the flying club cup]
we are still young and naive, and we can still use big pathetic words, it's the privilege of our age
we have to go, we have to leave, we must go to new york city

it's 1:59am, it's 7:50pm, what are you doing? [i'm right here.]

2007-10-30T00:52:00.000Z

it's the resolutions to be better, smarter, wiser, educated, developed
it's the plans to move, to go
it's the pile of clothes i go trough making the bed
it's the jacket, the belt, the high leather shoes
it's the mess, the papers, the books and cups, the mints on the desk
it's the peanut butter eaten with a large spoon straight from the jar
it's the sounds, the music, can you hear it? can you har it? the carnivale in my room right after the funeral
it's the gulag orchestra playing when everybody around is already asleep
it's the new pack of cigarettes, right after i gave up
it's the steps, it's the dream of making steps in the air
it's how i spin around, hands mid-air, and the ideas in my head swirl
it's what i am to others and how they see me, and how i am free
it's the picture of you smiling in Amsterdam I can only look at
from the vacations we never took together

it's 12:37, we're having lunch

2007-10-22T21:25:00.000+01:00

i'm a stupid mutt, i'm a stray mutt you see wandering alone on the streets. i feed on leftovers, i fill my mouth/heart/mind with 5 sentences, 6 words, tiny pieces of attention i get, that's what makes me survive, that's what makes me live, that's all there is for me.
i feed my heart on what i steal, i never get anything, i'm a thief-mutt, i steal.

i'm a pretentious mutt, i sleep alone, i cry in my sleep, i dream about belonging to someone, i dream about being tamed. i'm a pretentious mutt, i use big words, i think about feelings.

i'm a mutt, i make you pity me when i look at you with my large, glassy eyes; you pity me when you see my sad face, you think i beg then, i beg for attention and love.

my heart is a stray mutt, it does not belong to anyone. my heart is a mutt you drive, frighten away.

like a stray mutt, my heart gets kicked.

[i'm a stupid mutt because i let myself be fooled again and again, because i always fall for things which leave me hurting]

Elliott Smith (August 6, 1969 – October 21, 2003)

2007-10-21T19:49:00.001+01:00

Now on the bus
Nearly touching this dirty retreat
Falling out 6th and powell, a dead sweat in my teeth
Gonna walk walk walk
Four more blocks, plus the one in my brain
Down downstairs to the man, he's gonna make it all okay
I can't be myself
I can't be myself
And I don't want to talk
I'm taking the cure
So I can be quiet whenever I want
So leave me alone
You ought to be proud that I'm getting good marks
Needle in the hay

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

2007-10-21T17:51:00.002+01:00

******************

m: omg, what would i do if i had 3 individuals like you?

d: nah, i'd have strangled them in their sleep. i must remain unique.
[i'm a very exacting son]

we are the homeless. and so are you.

unwavering resolve

the road of golden dust

love eternal

so they say

lottery or car crash [would the pretty boy on the bus disapprove?]

bees

May 22, 1930

procession

yeah. maybe

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

the pursued, the pursuing, the busy and the tired

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

let no one mourn that he has fallen again and again; for forgiveness has risen from the grave

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

is she back?!

common around here

a storm is gonna come

8 days, spring and cookie dough

prof. Zbigniew Religa

thanks be to the pretty boy with nice white teeth on the bus for saving me from lowering standars

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

my band

why i am a seventeen-year-old girl

Harold Pinter

nix in nemore

the horses are coming

Inmaculada Concepción

boys, girls, drugs, lunacy

third grade gay

your father's high horse

2.4GHz

between new york and dublin

go gordon! go ramsey! go gordon! go ramsey! go gordon! go ramsey! go beyoncé! go beyoncé! go david! victoria! go david! victoria! go david! victoria!

some are saying i'm heading for a meltdown

Sligo / Benbulben

Poolbeg

global caller

of all the children the dog was the most different

shortcuts and hiccups

Mullaghcleevaun

synchronisation

blade runner rain, shivering bodies

table no 30, seats 1&2

professional athletes

May 22nd 1455 - Richard, Duke of York, defeats and captures King Henry VI of England

sunday was dedicated to the mystery of the holy trinity, monday to the holy ghost, tuesday to the guardian angels, wednesday to saint joseph

sunday service

what did he look like? he looked like jesus

today mr ***** ****** wrote "Love." [and that's a word he's uncomfortable with]

mint green chocolate chunk

season 3 : unicorns on fire

a special kind of flow, for unicorns on fire, let's synchronise our events

live! from dublin! it's [the homeless] day live! / almost nothing happened

thrift edition

now i'm seventeen, fourteen is so last sunday

spring break, coffee break, brake up

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

cake & spirituality

hope as moisturizer, apply daily

till the cows come home

better open than closed

a fag & some flipping

winter sale at prada

how dangerous is an open heart?

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

our schedules wide open as our hearts

fag beasts and bloody flags

massage the grapes

love can be like bondage

Food Court Musical

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

fightOUTloud

i'll come over to your place and we'll play videogames

conflict1: no more noise

the sea dog

why i am a fourteen-year-old girl

got the leather, got the lumber

oh, guide us! the great spirit of tom selleck!

sabotage!

today mr * ** wrote "Love." [and that's a word he's uncomfortable with]