locked in.

went for a bikemarathon on saturday. as a guest & companion . ended amid crowds , but i so wanted to be finally alone. [ i'm so inconsistent ]. didn't know what to do. wanted to scream and runaway . been in the middle of nowhere, for couple of hours.
s. wanted me to stay over at his place for another night. didn't know what to say . i'm so not assertive. was afraid i'll look too eccentric for 'normal' people . i dreamt of being alone , in my room , of a shrimp soup and "will&grace"

[i'm such a shmock]