distant places

strange feeling , little bits of movies , staring at the ceiling dressed in nightlamp's ligt. head against the wall , eyes looking at one side , peering at the hand .
i like hands , to look at them .
wanted to go to synagogue , but was too afraid , don't know why.
bought ipod shuffle , now i can pretend at the gym it's new york.
i got a present for O. , will send it for O.'s birthday.
all those applications , registrations , gosh , so difficult , and i so strongly want to be there , oh so much [ am i a teenager again? ] .
if i am very happy right now , why is it so dry sad sometimes ? i am 6 now and i hide under a magic blanket , but i should be 21 , i heard boys shouldn't be like that.
a. was right about comebacks , they are evil&fucked up [mostly] . a certain man from my past came back , he wants talks and to be in contact, a meeting. i'm a bit scared , i'm not assertive enough to deal with this. he's a real bother [ a stalker? ] .

[ i eat TOO much yoghurt jellies . these days i'm crazy about snow patrol's "Set The Fire To The Third Bar" , featuring martha wainwright ]

today's good feelings are sponsored by sufjan stevens' music & milkyway , a. won tickets for the summer of music festival [ one lucky princess she is ] .