my new life goal

find & try kitkat melon
[ i don't expect much from life ]

we must go to new york city

[panda is a member of the crew]

Ta-Dah!

i can't stop dancing and doing aerobics

believe in you

one day i'll grow up
to be a beautiful man
one day i'll grow up
to be a beautiful bear
for today i am a child
for today i am a boy

[thank you antony]

take me back to your house

i tried to read a lot more during last 2 weeks , but i guess stupid people just can't help it , so i went shopping and instead of getting more intelligent I got a new autumn jacket . but at what price ! and i don't feel guilty not watching cultural programmes , what can i do , they're too late at night.

replacing my socks&underwear resources made me ready for nyc , now i just need to get all beautiful and thin/well-built.
is this all a part of the process of coming back to my real age from my teenage phase ?

uh , oh , last week i was called beautiful , and then even SEXY [blimey!] , godbless all those internet profiles , and btw , how do you make internet friendships , how does one find internet friends ?
i even pushed myself into writing an email , yes , writing an email , people were nice last week , nice things were happening , with good music , fast internet connections , new episodes , cakes, presents & stuff , and suddenly [the homeless] was visited by a new vip of modern literature scene , who accused me of not being patriotic and warned me against a certain nazi. [ i can't stop reading ]

so , anyway , a long time not seen friend shows up , we go on a diet together , eat jellies and clean the house , long introductions , life changes' descriptions & things that occurred in my life recently , things Harvey Milk would be proud of , things that make another day a happy one & bring good feelings. [went out on 2 dates , but later trashed 'it' ]

i start to wonder if i need a role model , am i a lonely teddybear from some kind of a fairy story , who hopes to travel one day to that place where all bears are? [ like that story with a walking toster ]

english teacher dvd

i passed , they accepted me for the 1st year.
i stole IKEA catalogue from my neighbour's doormat , am i a bad person ?
[ i want to buy wellies , where to buy wellington boots ? ]
***
i went on a date yesterday.

a teddy of my own

accuse me of not being straight
but i like to look at the grass beneath my feet
but i am sensitive
***
[we are all so crippled , will we grow back like a starfish ?]

in a magazine.

exam results , 67 pts out of 80 , was fourth , fourth place = i suck ( still , i passed )
today is the ORAL exam [ funny , huh ? ]
***
ate a cornflake bar , smoked a cigarette , bought jellies [italian , peach flavour ] , ipod on ears .
my parents left .
i think i wasn't nervous.

a pony

strange mixture pours out , melancholy&gladness combination , all calm not histeric , like singing 'i can see a lot of light in you' and 'you always have open eyes , you always have a special place , in memphis' , watery eyes , it's autumn , it's autumn , it's wind , m. says i'm too sensitive , sensitive people have hard lives , sms about private feelings , unidentified states , is this creative ?
imagination works , foreseeing future , future planning , music for the wedding , lots of sounds , everything overwhelming , all so nonverbal.

[so many thoughts , what to do with them , how to say them . ]

alone.with.

is stealing sweets from mom's locker still bad when you're 21 ?

[ O. really is ignoring me ]

The Dress Looks Nice On You

trees , bushes , grass , buildings , windows , street lamps , pavements , streets , turns . all is silent . i don't see anyone , all is silent , all is desolate . i guess i see more when i take off my glasses.

got to runaway , my father destroys me , my father will destroy me .
but mum has a spare plan.

[ we cry together princess , we cry together ]