distant places

strange feeling , little bits of movies , staring at the ceiling dressed in nightlamp's ligt. head against the wall , eyes looking at one side , peering at the hand .
i like hands , to look at them .
wanted to go to synagogue , but was too afraid , don't know why.
bought ipod shuffle , now i can pretend at the gym it's new york.
i got a present for O. , will send it for O.'s birthday.
all those applications , registrations , gosh , so difficult , and i so strongly want to be there , oh so much [ am i a teenager again? ] .
if i am very happy right now , why is it so dry sad sometimes ? i am 6 now and i hide under a magic blanket , but i should be 21 , i heard boys shouldn't be like that.
a. was right about comebacks , they are evil&fucked up [mostly] . a certain man from my past came back , he wants talks and to be in contact, a meeting. i'm a bit scared , i'm not assertive enough to deal with this. he's a real bother [ a stalker? ] .

[ i eat TOO much yoghurt jellies . these days i'm crazy about snow patrol's "Set The Fire To The Third Bar" , featuring martha wainwright ]

today's good feelings are sponsored by sufjan stevens' music & milkyway , a. won tickets for the summer of music festival [ one lucky princess she is ] .

a cup of starry night

now i am 5 years old , like a little child i drink sugary milk and fall asleep early , under my magic blanket .

[ me sis' wishes good dreams, porce writes little children are nice]

peter pan day

they didn't accept me for the 1st year at the university , 0,08 pts missing (!) , there are some free places at different schools , only 2subjects available for me , the newspaper reports they're greeting at general and pastoral theology , a sign i ask ?

[ ok , i'm not asking naively , not with hope , god forbid , rather sarcastically , with a note of jeer , all in all i'm evil&bitter , right ?]

xj writes he's not able to recognise things through sms

not feeling safe here, everything seems to be woven with dissapointment , starting from political situation , through music stage , up to tv programme (sic!)

( i think i really need to improve my vocabulary&grammar )

; _ ;

brokenhearted. iamx , sigur ros , cocorosie&devendra , antony , butterflies in stomach , comicbooks not so entertaining , sadness , 16yrs old&emo .
watery eyes , shy tears 'cause boys shouldn't cry , sitting and doing nothing helplessly , drinking coffe with cinnamon , waiting? , i'm really sad , 2 packs of stolen cigarettes .
i'm a teenager now, but i should be 21 .
a. would like to buy me flowers , sis' cheers me up , good words , words of hope , aunties good advice .

no answer , love of my life is ignoring me .
(but earlier said we'd talk soon.)

[ yes , i'm THAT sensitive to use the phrase 'love of my life' , like above ]

[the homeless] part2

[ me sis' doesn't post about me enough ]

off-festival

the evacuation rocked the indie out of kids

[uh-oh , i died because of bang gang's bas player]

lenny valentino , it felt like high-school again

evacuation

[ the level of sugar in my blood killed me ]

16 VIII

happy birthday honey

*who the fuck is djdvd

~Digital Juggernaut Designed for Violence and Destruction [djdvd]




[the homeless]

ny heart in a distant land

the magic of cinema surrounding. i felt good , i felt comfortable. well dressed, smelling nice.
the seat next to me empty , thinking of o. o.'s presence , warming heart. good thoughts.
small storm above my head , walking back lost in thoughts . little lightnings , little raindrops. raindrops on my glasses . slow moves , hands in pockets , wet clothes ,but not soaking wet.
everything very quiet. comforting sound of rain.
overwhelming feeling , impossible to describe with words.



[i guess i always wanted to be a superhero]

last , but not alone.

[ bryan singer did a great job ]

what i'll be wearing starting today

i just received a present

[emo.]

thank god i'm too fat for being emo

the fall

blimey and naivety , i like to imagine that castro dies , along with his brother , and people of cuba declare they're a democratic republic . that they're finally free. just like that . so normally .
[of course I don't wish anyone bad , especially death . it's just that everything dies , right ? ; ]